Mustachios For Everyone!

It's March and that means... MUSTACHE MARCH! A time where the most under appreciated facial hair shines for a glorious month. Although I am ever more aware of the fact that I cannot grow a mustache. I can, however, show my support for the mustache and blog about it.

I recently came to the realization that I love mustaches. A love that has secretly been burning inside me but I was just too scared to succumb to its power. I can now say that I, Rebecca Leigh Hansen, love mustaches! I believe it all started back in my days in Georgia. My brother was in baseball, a must if you live in the south. One year my brothers coach had a sweet sweet handlebar, waxed and curled to perfection. But that was before my mustache lovin' days or my boy lovin' days. There is only one man who can be credited for breaking down the iron curtain of my mustache hating tyranny and that man is Sexstache. I admit I may be slightly obsessed with Sexstache, considering I have never talked to him but who needs to talk when you can gaze into a classic chevron. A chevron that would get any bestached Tom Selleck loving woman's heart racing. After first seeing Sexstache I was left confused. Everything I had previously felt about mustaches had been shaken to its core. Everything would have gone back to normal if I hadn't started noticing mustaches everywhere. Soon a mustache obsession would begin.

One day I was curious to know the name of a certain mustache style. I innocently googled mustache styles. If I'd known at the time the kind of life changing effect it would have on me I wonder if I would have ever googled those words. My search led me to the American Mustache Institute. I learned the names of every style out there. I also found a blog dedicated to 19th century mustaches. Naturally the blog is named Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century. I cannot find the words to truly express my feelings for this blog. The writing style and wit is amazing. It even has a glossary to clarify any of your mustache vocabulary questions. I highly suggest seeing it for yourself because it is awesome. http://mustachesofthenineteenthcentury.blogspot.com/

My new love for mustaches has definitely met some strange looks from family and friends but nothing will come between me and my mustaches. Now before you form the impression that any mustache makes me go weak in the knees let me lay a few ground rules that make for a excellent mustache (for me at least).

1. A narrow philtrum is preferred. A philtrum is the grooved space under the nose. It grows very little hair so a narrow philtrum is best because it reduces any awkward gaps in the mustache.

The picture on the left is an example of a narrow philtrum. The one on the right is an example of a not so good philtrum. But it's all genetics. Big philtrum guy does get bonus points because he has more style and flare than narrow philtrum guy. He has made the most of his mustache and has given it a nice up turn. Narrow philtrum on the other hand has put his good genes to a waste because his mustache is a rather dull one.

2. If you are capable of only growing a weedy mustache then forget your mustache dreams. Weedy mustaches are reserved for that one kid I knew in elementary school and pedophiles. Both of which give me the creeps.

3. Mustaches are often associated with gay men. To avoid mistaken sexual preference be sure to be over the top with manliness. Take Tom Selleck for example, he has been sporting a mustache probably since birth. Tom loves his guns and guns are extremely manly. He pretty much is the epitome of manliness.

Lumberjacks are also secure in their masculinity. If you've got a mustache and someone makes a comment about you referring to your preference of the company of gentlemen, go chop down some trees and you'll set the record straight. If however you are a lumberjack and you put on women's clothing and hang around in bars, well you might be one of those misleading gays.

4. Stroking your fine mustache brings attention to fact that you have one. Stroking of the stache can give the appearance of deep contemplation. Add a monocle and you become one of the most intelligent people to grace the planet.

Twiddling of the mustache has the opposite effect. Twiddling shows that you are up to no good. It say that you are the kind of man who enjoys tying ladies to train tracks. Twiddling of the mustache followed by sinisterly rubbing your hands together says you have just thought of a villainous plan. Twiddling your mustache with shifty eyes means that said plan is in progress.

5. It always helps to assume this stance.