The Tokyo Subwayesque Bus Ride

I have been riding the bus to school ever since I started at UNM. My first year of riding the bus, the Rapid Ride, that goes from the West side to UNM was not in existence. I took a couple of buses to get to school. These bus routes went through some pretty bad parts of town. I endured passengers who burned my nose hairs with their stench and being honked at by men, who in their culture it is acceptable to honk at women. It is hard for me to put in sufficient words, without using profanities, my hatred for being honked at.

A personal favorite experience happened one morning when I was getting off the bus at UNM. I was walking onto campus listening to music, off in my own little world, when a shady 20-something guy started to chat me up. He informed that he dropped of high school and that I should keep going to school, that I could make something of myself. I had the looks, I just needed the education. He then went onto light up a joint and tell me that he has been selling drugs since he was seven. He offered to give me his number and that he could hook me up. I kindly refused and went into a building I didn't really need to go into.

Needless to say, I was extremely happy when the UNM Rapid Ride route was created. I had far to many unpleasant times on the sketchy buses. The bus I ride now is predominately used by college students or faculty and all together feels safer. Since the bus is so convenient the bus is always so packed, especially in the morning. This morning the bus I usually take never showed, so when the next bus showed up there were two full bus loads on one bus. All the seats were already taken so all the people at the stop crammed into the bus. I can only compare it to the subways in Tokyo where they have the men with white gloves shove people into the cars so they can get the doors to close. Ok, I'm exaggerating but it was pretty bad. This guy with a hulk backpack, need I say more, decided it would be a good idea to take off his pack in the packed quarters. In doing so grazed my boob. He apologized and I told him it was no big deal. As a girl I'm used to boob grazes, they are kind of out there and in the way, plus my height kind of makes my boobs a perfect target for elbows.

I knew we were in trouble when I saw the Mildew Guy walk up to the bus stop. I have past experiences with riding the bus with Mildew Guy. The first time I smelled him I thought he must have left his clothes in the washer so they smelled sour and didn't have time to rewash them so he was forced to wear sour mildewy clothes. I didn't past any judgement on him the first time but it quickly became apparent that he just smelled like that. I dreaded the sight of him walking onto the bus. So today I felt sorry for everyone on the bus when I saw him at the bus stop. That feeling only got worse due to the occupancy status of the bus. Every time he moved he released his putrid smell into the bus. It's a good thing I'm used to Mildew Guy because I have pretty bad gag reflexes. I'm past gagging every time I smell him.

I was also very aware of the fact that my butt was eye level to the four guys sitting behind me. Feeling self-conscious of my behind, I kept wondering if my butt was up to par. I have no idea what makes a nice butt. Personally, I find butts rather repulsive so I am no judge. Then there was a moment during the bus ride when the driver thought it would be a good idea to slam on the breaks sending everyone flying or clinging for dear life to the bar they were holding onto.

It's a good thing I am a stickler for time. I always take the earlier bus in case of situation like this. I got to school with enough time to go to the bathroom and wash my hands. I'm no germ maniac but I felt like my hands were covered in filth. It's a good thing my History class never stars on time.

Segway: The Transportation of the Future?

The first two weeks of the semester I continually saw a middle-aged man around campus on a segway. Now up until this time, the only place I saw segways being used were those rented by a father and son at The Gateway Mall in Salt Lake and the security guards at the Cottonwood Mall. Of course, my first reaction every time I see a person riding a segway is to laugh most heartily. Middle-age Segway Guy was no exception. He even gave me a few laughs. Not only did he buy into the transportation of the future, which failed miserably, but he is proclaiming to the world that he is lazy. He may be using his chosen form of transportation to get around campus fast but there are plenty of other forms that require at least some kind of exercise. Everything about this man screams make fun of me. He could create the illusion that he is one tough segway rider by wearing a cool leather jacket, getting a few tattoos and wearing a bandanna for a helmet substitution. But instead he wears a helmet, a backpack and to top it all off a fanny pack. Obviously this man is a huge fan of failed lame inventions.

Weeks later after the last Middle-age Segway Guy sighting I was starting feel bad about making fun of him. I started to feel sorry for the Middle-aged Segway Guy. He was clearly taken advantage by a malicious segway salesman. Who, I'm sure, filled his head with images of a world where everyone owned "The Transportation of the Future." With promises of a Jetsons like world fast approaching, Middle-aged Segway Guy eagerly bought one in wants to be part of this great technology revolution only to become mocked by a college student. These were the thoughts that mostly preoccupied me while riding the bus or walking on campus. I was even thinking about writing his biography until one fateful day.

I was on my way to Ortega Hall for class. I was running late so I was kind of walking fast and now that look back on it probably erratically. Due to the insane amount of construction occurring on campus, my usual route to class was blocked so I decided to cut across an elevated grass area. I learned that another quality feature of a segway is its stealthiness. I stepped down and started walking towards Ortega. Luckily at that moment I looked up as the Middle-aged Segway Guy came charging full speed ahead towards me. I manged to step back in time to avoid a collision with Segway Guy's segway. I stood in disbelief as I watched him take off in all his fanny pack wearing segway glory. The IRONY! I detected no hint of hesitation, no desperate attempt to slow down or swerve out of the way. He wanted to run me down with his segway. Who knows what he would have done with my body? Probably chop me up into tiny pieces, stuff my pieces into his fanny pack and dump me into the perfect body dumping pond in Socorro.

This attempt to take my life calls for desperate measures! I have decided to start a segway gang. Now this isn't going to be your everyday gang, I'm talking West Side Story style gang with a lot of snapping. I'm in the process of writing some songs. We will be called Sweet Segway Revenge. Of course, we'll have leather jackets and bandannas. Our segways will be equipped with spikes on the sides of our wheels and other intimidating paraphernalia. We'll ride onto campus, hunt down Middle-aged Segway Guy then we'll circle around him on our segways taunting, singing/snapping and making fun of his fanny pack. The climax, Middle-aged Segway Guy and I segway race, Ben-Hur style. I could take the less violent route and start a student organization called Students Against Reckless Segways, SARS for short.

For those who want to join Sweet Segway Revenge or SARS, there will be a meeting October 20th at 4 pm on the 3rd floor of the SUB.

NOTE: No meeting will actually take place.

Peer Pressure Always Conquers

I have finally started a blog after being told over and over again to do so. I feel like my coolness level has plummeted. Lets face it, for ever one awesomely hilarious blog there are five-hundred super lame ones (no real studies were used for this statistic). And I'm pretty sure that my blog will be one of those sad five-hundred. As we all know, one is at their funniest when they are not trying. As a result of having this blog I will be trying my darnedest to impress the blogging community. Therefore, I am bound to be uncool and unfunny as well as making a fool of myself, good thing I don't get embarrassed easily.

This blog is also bound fail miserably. Like everything else I have set out to do I will eventually quit. Its what I am famous for in my family. I have tried numerous sports only to establish that once again that I am in no way at all athletic. The same goes for musically oriented activities such as piano and violin lessons and choir. I have quit every single one these. I have a hard enough time completing a sudoku. Pretty much the only thing I have never quit on is a movie. But even then I have come across exceptions; Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart Club Band and Tommy. For the most part I can last through the crappy films that inhabit the earth.

But hey, no one is perfect. I would not be the first nor the last to succumb to abandoning their blog. The saddest example of this, in my opinion, would be the Leonard family. During the summer of my transitioning from Junior High to High School I discovered a little show called The Brendan Leonard Show on ABC Family. Every time I happened upon it I would bask in the hilarity of what was Brendan Leonard and friends. It made for a glorious summer. Years later, after youtube was created, I was curious to see if the show was as funny as I remembered it to be. My curiosity led me to discover that the family had a blog/vlog (I apologize for the use of vlog. I kind of think it's a lame word). Pretty much, laughing is my favorite thing to do and this family could make me laugh. I would go to their website regularly in hopes of a new post. After months of faithful visits I noticed that the posts were becoming fairly rare and eventually stopped altogether. It will becoming up on a year since they last posted anything. Every now and then I will check in hopes that by some small chance something has been posted, only to have those hopes dashed. I highly suggest that everyone, if anyone even reads this, to visit and view past postings http://campjinx.pictureshowfilms.com/ . It has brought great joy to my life and I mourn its loss every day of my life. I recommened first looking at Matt and Margartia they make me laugh the hardest.